You Are Not Alone, and You Can't Work Through It Alone

In these dark winter months, at the height of the program season in our synagogues and the bustle of our private lives, I begin to receive an increase in calls about conflict both with clergy team members and lay people. These challenges are real and difficult to navigate, and even more so at this time of year when we are feeling personal strain. 

You have shared with me your feelings of overwhelm and of being pressed to the limit, your loneliness when you feel you don’t have safe people to share with, and the complicated interpersonal dynamics on your team that make these feelings even more challenging to work through.

Others of you have shared with me that as the demands and priorities in your congregations have shifted you have received professional feedback that you are having trouble hearing and processing.

And still others have expressed a feeling of being spent and wondering where your motivation went and how you will find the energy to meet what is expected of you in a healthy way.

You are not alone. The strongest thing you can do for yourself is find qualified help.

I recommend every clergy person, regardless of whether you feel in crisis or not, see a therapist regularly. As clergy we have very few safe spaces to share what we are feeling, and any work done with a trained therapist is a safe space.

Is finding a therapist something that should be at the top of your priority list? Check in with yourself about what you are feeling. Are you feeling depressed, that you are not coping with your feelings, or burnt out (check your symptoms here: Burnout | Psychology Today )? 

If you are feeling unable to cope in any way or know that you have a lot of highly charged feelings you must work through, I recommend finding a therapist now. It’s true that it can take some work to find the right therapist, to feel the right chemistry and comfort with the therapist’s approach. How do you even start to find someone? Talk to people in your area that you trust and see if anyone has recommendations. You can also try a search through Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today. It may take a few sessions to know whether a particular therapist is a good match. Here is what to consider: How to Choose a Therapist | Psychology Today.

Even if you are not feeling a heightened inability to cope, finding a therapist should be on your list in the short term. Consider a regular meeting with a therapist, one tool for balance and self-care built into your schedule. It’s time away from your professional demands, focusing only on what you need to talk about in order to return to the rest of your life with greater strength. The therapist can be the container that holds what you have kept inside, so you can release it.

Finding help is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. Remember that you are not alone in how you feel, and you also can’t work through your feelings alone. The past few years, and the past few weeks, have been incredibly trying, and it feels sometimes that we are in a state of perpetual crisis. My hope for all of you is that you find partners to help build your strength to be your best self no matter what comes.

As always, I am available for a one-on-one conversation to help guide you to the right professional.