Looking for Light
The Talmud records an argument between two of our early sages – Shammai and Hillel. According to Shammai, eight candles should be lit on the first night of Chanukkah, seven on the second night, and so on until the last night of the holiday when only one candle should be used. Hillel, on the other hand, insisted that one candle should be lit on the first day of Chanukkah, two on the second night, and so on until the last day of the holiday when all eight candles should be ignited. Our tradition ultimately sides with Hillel’s opinion on the premise that our experience of the holiday should take us from less light to more light, thereby increasing holiness in the world. More than simply a comment on the traditions of Chanukkah, Hillel’s teaching is truly a metaphor for life – we should always strive to increase light and holiness in our lives, even in the face of adversity.
I recently officiated at a funeral of a Holocaust survivor. Although I had only met Basia Rubinstein briefly during her life, learning her story truly touched me. A teenager during World War II, she was ripped by the Nazis out of her mother’s arms in front of the synagogue in Kielce, Poland. She was, then, sent to a ghetto in her town with other young men and women, while their parents were shipped off to Treblinka. Surrounded by cruelty and horror, the young people were discouraged and afraid. They decided to stand up to the Nazis by holding a wedding every single day, thereby inviting light and hope into their horrific reality. Even after a group of their friends were hung by the Nazis for holding a wedding, the young people persisted in creating new unions daily and sanctifying life. This was how Basia met and came to marry her husband, with whom she spent her entire life.
We are fortunate to live in a time and place where we are not faced with the kind of extreme adversity and horrors that Basia and others like her were forced to experience. And, yet, even in the midst of our comfortable and safe lives, all too often we find ourselves in need of additional light. At times like these, what can we do to make our inner healing light shine more brightly? How can we see the holiness within our lives and, following Hillel’s advice, increase it?
I believe that it begins with Forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves and the people around us requires intentionality and hard work, but it is within reach. We learn from a midrash that prior to the creation of human beings, God created Forgiveness. We must forgive ourselves and the mistakes that we have made. We must let go of the hurts that others have caused us. (Listen to “Mocheil Avonot,” a prayer recited during the Days of Awe that asks for forgiveness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81T-MW7Nn9U) “There is no one perfect on Earth,” we are reminded by Kohelet. Forgivness of our shortcomings, our mistakes, and our hurts enables us to access our inner healing light.
Having forgiven our deficits and shortfalls, we move to Acceptance. We are not perfect, we make mistakes, we hurt others, and are hurt by them in return. We must accept ourselves and the people around us as imperfectly human and flawed. We make ourselves vulnerable through this recognition, but we also recall that we are made in the image of God and are capable of increasing holiness in the world. Rabbi Bunim of P'shiskha taught that everyone should have two pockets, each containing a slip of paper. On the first slip of paper should be written: “I am but dust and ashes,” and on the other: “The world was created for my sake.” From time to time we must reach into one pocket, and then, the other, thereby holding these two ideas in balance. When we do so, we allow our inner light to emanate and heal. The secret to living comes from accepting that we are simultaneously entirely human (n’kavim, n’kavim – consisting of little more than tubes and crevices) and Godly (b’tzelem Elohim – made in the image of God.) Listen to Peri Smilow’s Hineini*, which captures this idea.
Having forgiven our limitations and accepted ourselves as simultaneously fully human and containing sparks of Divinity, we turn to Gratitude. Each of us has blessings within our lives, which must be noted by us and appreciated. Some of our blessings are more obvious than others, but if we stop and pay attention, we are bound to notice the things for which we should be thankful. Every breath, every movement, every person we encounter can be viewed as a miracle when we live our lives in a state of “radical amazement,” as taught by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. When we do not take things for granted, when we praise and bless the daily miracles that we encounter, when we express gratitude, we allow our inner light to shine forth from within us and to increase holiness in our lives and the lives of the people around us. Listen to two prayers of gratitude: the first by a Haredi group “Lev Tahor” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2-LDhI99eM&feature=related) and the second composed by Cantor Rachelle Nelson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOqCKtgZ-ds&feature=related)
Even though Chanukkah comes at the darkest time of year, when the days are short and physical light is sparse, the eight-day festival calls on us to bring more spiritual light into the world. The holiday reminds us that with each passing day and the lighting of an additional light on the chanukkiah, we have the potential to increase the light that comes from within us and to heal our lives and the lives of the people around us. When we allow our inner light to shine more brightly, in a testament to Hillel’s teaching, we sanctify life and increase holiness in the world.
*Hineini
By Peri Smilow
© 2007 Peri Smilow (BMI)
Based on the kavanot of Mayyim Hayyim Healing Water Mikveh
from Peri Smilow's recording BLESSINGS available through www.cdbaby.com and www.oysongs.com